Not Listening, Just Hallucinating
by Mr.Baratheon97
Summary: TK takes a few too many pills, and decides that he's fed up with how everyone's treating him… Disclaimer: I don't own digimon
1. Chapter 1

Not Listening, Just Hallucinating

The apartment's living room was dark, just like the sky outside. A window had been left wide open, allowing the chill to bite at TK's skin. He slumped onto the sofa and set the plastic bottle on the coffee table as the pills took affect, draining him of his reserves. Matt's prescription said to only take two, but having felt particularly depressed that day, he had taken four, not that he remembered counting. _Not to worry, it'll only last a while_. He stared at the television, which was running but buzzing as the pixels flashed different shades of grey at him. He sighed, recalling why he had become so sad. _No one's listening to me_. Bitterness filled his head, arguing that if he had real friends, they wouldn't assume he was fine, they'd at least ask if he was feeling ok. But he couldn't blame them – he was good at playing the part fate seemed to have written out for him. Staring at the television, he noticed that pictures were forming…

'…_and now I don't know what I'm supposed to do, TK. I love him.' cried Yolei, her face falling into her palms. TK had put a reassuring hand on her shoulder, telling her 'I can tell you for a fact that he loves you.' _

_Yolei looked up and a smile threatened to form. 'Does h-he r-really?' she had asked and TK nodded, smiling gently. 'Of course he does.' In a joking tone he had added 'You tried seducing him in every possible, remember?' and she had chuckled. He had wanted to have a similar breakdown to her about Kari, but that was out of the question as soon as Yolei got there first. He sighed, and started 'Could I ask you-'_

'_Thanks TK, you're a star. No, an angel. Better talk to Ken. See you!' she had squealed, quickly running off. TK groaned in dissatisfaction, having thought 'When I called her to talk, I didn't think I'd be the one to solve people's problems, again.'_

Through the haze provided by the drugs, TK could remember how stupid he felt, thinking that he would have a chance to express his concerns. _It's not my place, I'm not allowed to complain_. He looked at the back of his hand, where Kari had scribbled something earlier. His eyesight was fuzzy and blurry, and TK blinked in frustration till he could focus and make the numbers appear. They had been carved on with black ink, and his hand looked a tad sore. He felt increasingly dizzy, but dismissed the feeling to watch the new video that had started on the telly.

_Kari had invited him to walk with her through the park, and then back to her house. He knew he'd have to make it back early, his mom had left a lot of chores that needed to be done, but somehow, he knew he would manage it, and his mother would compensate with words. 'Oh, what an angel, I didn't even have to ask!'_

_Kari took his hand, leading him to a secluded bench near the footpath that went through a miniature forest overlooking the city. He let her move his hand around her waist, and didn't resist as her body pressed against his own as they walked. It was then that he wondered whether this was love, or their pre-determined compatibility, that had them fall into each other so easily. She had talked, about their relationship, though he hadn't listened. He was too busy wondering whether Kari was his girlfriend out of choice, or necessity. He was obligated to love her, but he felt like that wasn't fair. He pondered whether he'd ever be able to cherish her on his own terms, when her voice broke into his train of thought. 'Are you even listening to me?' she asked playfully. He had casually replied 'Of course. That's what I'm for, right?'_

_TK had been disappointed when she replied 'Yeah. Anyway, I was thinking about college…'  
He went back to day-dreaming, realising that his life was being planned out before he'd even said anything. Having caught some of her words, he noted that Kari expected him to get some qualifications and accompany her to university, where she'd become a teacher, and him a writer. TK wasn't sure he wanted that, but didn't complain. It wasn't his place to crush Kari's dream for the future. She asked 'TK, you're not sick are you, you look a bit pale.'_

_He gave her a fake smile, and replied 'No, I'm great, just thinking.' He expected her to probe further, and half of him wanted her to, so he could share his thoughts. But instead, Kari smiled, and returned to her conversation. She then gasped, and informed him 'By the way, my phone number's changed again. Here's the new one.' and she pulled a pen from her pocket, and took his hand. He hated when she did this; it always took weeks to get whatever she cared to write off, and he hated how she would carelessly prod his hands with her surprisingly sharp pens. _

The numbers came into view, and he groaned as his head began to throb. He tried to sit up and relax, but now all he could feel was a sense of panic; he felt like he was falling, and was about to hit concrete. He wanted to pick up the phone and ring her, but he went against it. Kari wouldn't listen. He reached for the remote, but didn't have the strength to press the buttons. He felt agitated, but suddenly something came from behind him and ruffled his hair, taking away his fear.

_Matt walked over as his younger brother watched a basketball game on the television. He snuck up and messed up the boy's already untamed hair, taking his attention of the television. TK hated being interrupted; being dragged back to reality, he had muttered irritably 'Can you not?'_

'_Calm down, lil' bro, you need to relax.'_

_TK had thought darkly 'Finally, some advice…' as he turned the telly off and turned on the sofa so he was kneeling on the seat, facing his elder. 'Anything specific you wanted to talk about?' he asked, his tone stressing tiredness. This of course was ignored, as his brother began 'Not really, just been busy doing stuff with the band, and college.'_

'_Yeah,' TK agreed bitterly, noting that his brother was living comfortably. His brother left the room to put his guitar in TK's bedroom, where he was allowed to keep it. TK still thought of this as a slight – his mother had forced him to let Matt dump some of his stuff in the apartment, despite the fact that he didn't even live there. TK waited for his brother to return, to see if he wanted to hang out. When he asked, his brother had replied casually, 'Sorry, man. Got another date with Sora tonight. Catch you later.', about to leave._

_He was about to grab the door handle when TK called 'Wait.'_

'_Yeah?'_

'_No one has time for me anymore.'_

_Matt had thought for a while, before responding 'Call Kari, she's probably sitting at her phone waiting for your call. You guys are such angels, I'm sure you will find something to do.' And he hurried out of the apartment. _

_I don't want to be an angel anymore_. He felt dismay at the idea of spending the rest of his life being ignored and treated like a psychiatrist and always having to be perfect. TK leaned forwards and fell to the floor as he felt a huge mass weigh him down. It felt extremely painful, and he pulled of his shirt to ease the tightness. Immediately, there was a flash of white as TK was pushed further against the floor. He reached out for his back, and felt something soft and bony. He pulled, and when he saw his hand next, it held a handful of crumpled white feathers. _No, I don't want the pressure anymore_. He used all of his strength to drag his body across the floor towards the kitchen drawers. Struggling, he pulled himself up using the draw-handles, accidently pulling out one of the draws, so that utensils fell on to the floor, spread out like a doctor's tools. It was then that he spotted it – the gleaming knife, which happened to have serrated edges and a clean blade. He picked it up and let it sit in his hand. _I'm not going to be an angel anymore, I'll be human_. He took the knife and slashed behind him until he felt a searing burning, and saw feathers fly around him. He cut again, feeling the weight fall off as he chopped the wings down. His back was killing him, but he bore the pain and carried on, trying to stop the tears falling from his eyes. _I don't want to feel ignored anymore_. Before he knew it, years' worth of tears were precipitating in the apartment, mixing with the puddle of angel's blood on the floor. Dropping the knife, he watched in horror as thousands of white feathers fell about him. Surrounded, he cried in absolute fear of never being able to escape.

Matt and Kari carried the groceries to TK's as they caught up with each other, talking about the on-goings of their lives. They were not in a hurry – they hadn't seen each other in a while and they didn't want to bother TK much. Kari had bumped into him in the convenience store and after realising they were going to the same place, decided to walk together. It was a sunny day, though there were a number of fluffy clouds blocking some of the rays.

'What's everyone been up to at college? Tai, and Sora?'

'I'm not surprised Tai wouldn't tell you,' Matt joked as Kari smiled, 'we've had a lot of crazy nights!'

They laughed and continued walking, reaching the stairs. 'Have you got keys?' asked Matt, as only Kari had a free hand. 'Yeah, TK gave me one about a month ago.'

They reached the apartment door and Kari opened the door. The two were immediately hit by the cold smell of rust and held their breath. It was dark, but the light of the broken television illuminated the hallway, where Kari flipped the light switch. 'What the hell…' began Matt before he saw TK, and dropped his groceries, glass breaking and packets falling. TK was sprawled on the floor, lying in a pool of red. He was awake, his blue eyes pouring as blood continued to seep from two large, parallel gashes that spread from his shoulders towards the small of his back. Kari would have screamed if she didn't stay calm, kicking the knife away from her boyfriend's hands and trying her best to calm him down. Matt was stunned; there was blood everywhere, and the deranged boy in front of him was crying something about 'cutting the wings'. His eyes caught a flash of orange as he looked around, and he recognised the bottle that had been put on the table, in front of the non-functioning television. 'Oh no…' Matt realised, as he knelt besides his brother and gently asked 'TK, bro, how many did you take?'

A meek reply came. 'I d-don't… remember… I'm sorry.'

'What for?' asked a confused Kari, who was too worried out of her mind to think.

'I don't want to be everyone's angel anymore. Can't you see the feathers? I cut 'em off…'

Kari looked at Matt, her own tears were falling. 'He's hallucinating, and I don't know how many of these he's taken.' Before Kari could ask, he informed her 'These were for depression, years ago. These cuts are dangerously deep and the drugs, they're probably expired…' and extracted out his phone, where he called for an ambulance.

TK smiled as his eyelids began to drop, wanting to laugh though he had no energy. He was finally human, and now everyone would see.


	2. Chapter 2

**'Not Listening, Just Hallucinating'****: after reading some of the reviews, I decided, it was quite unresolved. So I've decided to fix that. ****Tell me if you thought it was a good ending.**

He couldn't open his eyes. _Not that I don't want to_.

TK couldn't believe that he was still there, in a world he'd sought release from. He could feel others' eyes upon him, gazes crawling under him skin, searching for signs of consciousness. He wanted to satisfy their yearning to see him better, but he didn't feel like it; _not right now_. Instead he poorly feigned sleep, breathing steadily in rhythms reflecting that of the throbbing of his back, which had been seen to and was rested against the lightest of pillows. He smiled in his 'sleep', in realization that his mind was in less pain (both figurative and literal) than it had been for the last week. I'll blame the drugs. I'll brush it over. After all, I have a reputation to maintain. Mulling over his option, TK felt the cool air of an open window, no doubt, brush against his body, through the thin sheets of the bed. TK struggled to not react as a warm hand gently held his cheek, and then brushed the hair out of his face. He recognised the scent of burnt chocolate anywhere. _Kari's here, something must be wrong_. Wondering whether she was upset at having ruined yet another attempt at cookies he'd force himself to eat regardless, he let his face 'unconsciously' submit to her hold, if not goading her to continue. It was to his surprise that she spoke. 'I'm sorry, TK.'

'I must be dreaming.' TK thought, his throat to dry to speak, even if he wanted to. He removed his face from her touch and let it fall back, long with his shoulders, into the bed. His back was sore, but he dismissed the pain. I deserve this, if I've upset her.

'I shouldn't have left you alone. If I'd have known you were feeling that way I'd have- oh, Hi Ken. Davis.'

In his bed, TK felt an unexpected giddiness build up inside him. Though his head was a blur - _ignorance really is bliss_ - he distinctly remembered thinking '_Now everyone would see_'. Admittedly, he had spent a while trying to decipher what he'd meant, but the thought process was lost. Content with the moderate darkness of his shut eyelids, TK lay vigil to the group. _Now I'm going to get what I want_.

'How's he been?' asked Ken tensely, standing by Kari as Davis took a seat closer to TK.

'I'm not sure. Better. Still hasn't got up.' Kari informed quietly. TK could tell in her words how disappointed she was, _with me_. Ken sighed and walked over the window, pulling it shut with excessive force. Sadly, Davis joked 'I know you feel, Ken.'

Kari chuckled weakly, and said 'You don't know the half of it.'

_Neither do you_. Davis shifted uncomfortably in his chair, his denim rubbing noisily against the canvas of the chair. 'Did he say why h-'

'No.' Kari answered quickly, keen to avoid the details.

Much to her displeasure, Ken added 'Matt mentioned something about old pills, but I doubted he'd do anything like that on his own.'

TK's surprise was hard to conceal, when an unexpected voice joined the conversation from the doorway. 'Apparently,' his father said hoarsely 'we don't know him as well as we think.' _Why am I at Dad's?_ The older man's heavy footsteps were identifiable as he paced over to the bed, checking TK's 'limp' arms and feeling his forehead. 'He'll be ok. I still can't believe his mother had the audacity to continue on her business trip. She's dumped him on me and…'

_I'm a burden_. '... if he's unhappy, I can't even tell. What kind of father am I?' _Maybe this is why I've got to put on a face_. Ken put a hand on the man's shoulder, as Davis stated 'We all feel responsible.' _It makes up for the upset I cause_.

After a moment of mournful silence, Davis piped up 'Kari, when was the last time you ate?'

There was a meek reply of 'Can't remember.'

'C'mon. It's not like he'll wake up this second. You need to eat.' Davis persisted.

Ken studied the worry on Kari's face, and then added 'I know you feel responsible, but you weren't.'

'What would you know? You don't know what it was like!' Kari yelled, in irritation. TK stirred and his eyes flickered. _Don't fight, please_. Kari immediately became silent, carefully lulling her boyfriend into a more peaceful state. Ken said, a soreness evident in his voice, 'Ok. I'll bring you something, you just... stay put.'

TK relaxed as the two guys left, and heard heavier footsteps follow to show them out. He was alone with Kari. He could feel her watching him as he breathed unevenly. Kari saw him shift in the heat of the covers and got up to open the window. Once open, TK breathed deeply in relief as the cool outside air refreshed his lungs. _I wonder if I look vulnerable yet?_ TK hoped that he did; at least, his 'friends' would treat him as an equal and help him when he needed it too. Kari got up and slowly walked out of the room, taking a glance at her best friend before leaving. TK waited to hear a door shut in the distance, before yawning exasperatedly.

Slowly, TK opened his well-rested eyes. Immediately, blurs of summery yellows and oranges came into view. The room was homely and peaceful; his bed was situated opposite a table no longer surrounded by chairs. The seats had been moved over towards him. Since Ken had shut the window, the heater had quickly radiated the room. The fresh flowers - Sora must've stopped by to comfort Kari - on the bedside table had begun to wilt besides a few 'get well soon' cards. The throbbing of his arms stopped him from picking them up, but he appreciated the gesture. _People are noticing me_. He yawned again, and noticed the numbness of his legs. _I'm so weak_. He tried to sit up, but groaned as a sharp stinging pulled him back down towards the comfort of the pillows.  
'Is someone watching- Hey there.' Kari greeted softly, having heard his painful sigh. She smiled contently. TK smiled too, and coughed. Dryly, he croaked 'Hi.' before a cool glass of water had been pressed to his cracking lips. _I don't deserve relief._ 'How're you feeling?' Kari asked slowly, gently combing his hair with her fingers. 'Ok, I guess. My back's killing me.' he said, chuckling to lighten the mood. 'You?'

'Of course I'm ok. Now that you're awake.' Kari replied. _She's not sharing her anxiety anymore._  
'Good.' TK assessed, closing his eyes again and lying back.

'But we need to talk.' she continued sternly.

'It was an accident, honest.' TK lied, in regards to his break down.

'Of all people, _you_ don't just ingest a bazillion stale anti-depressants, TK!' she spoke irritably. _She still has expectations of me_. 'And, you were bleeding out, y-you - you said you didn't want to be an angel anymore.'

After a moment, TK brushed it off with a small wave of his weak hands. 'Do you remember things that you did when you were drunk, or high?' Kari huffed as he continued casually 'I was probably out of it, what did I know?'

'But you were losing your mind... I was scared TK.'

'I'm sorry I scared you Kari. It- it won't happen again.'

'But that's not what I want.' I_t's always about what you've wanted to me_ 'If you're feeling something, you can tell me, ok?'

Rather than argue, TK nodded and let her begin a new conversation. 'I tried to make some cookies, but they were abysmal.'

TK would've laughed. 'I'm sure they weren't bad.' _I've got to be her rock again._

Later that day, the others had come to see TK.

Matt was the first to arrive, panicking over whether TK had eaten, or need painkillers, or wanted to rest. TK felt bad for feeling so good, having a person fuss over him like that. He even smiled when Sora replaced the dying flowers with fresh ones, and when Yolei and Davis bickered over the right to a chair by his side. It took a while of settling before the room became tense. The older ones looked to Tai, who began nonchalantly 'So... Hallucinogenics, huh?'

TK tried to smile aloofly. 'I remember having a headache, must have picked up the wrong bottle, y'know?'

'This is serious.' scolded Yolei, snatching the words out of Joe's mouth. 'And I know,' _Do you now?_'that you're not stupid enough to take a huge amount of the wrong medication.'

'Did you overdose, on purpose?' asked Matt sadly.

'No, I-'

'Tell us, please.' pleaded Ken.

'It was nothing, I swear-'

Davis frowned. 'Why were you really taking pills? You could've died!'

'I was sick, ok?' TK yelled, silencing the room.

'I don't understand.' said Mimi anxiously.

'I was sick, of everyone using me and whining to me and seeking comfort so much I had none left for me!'

'But we want to help _you_ now, TK. You're really hurt.' stated Kari apologetically. 'We're sorry. We haven't been fair to you.'

TK began to laugh, in denial, shocking Kari to the core. Her eyes widened as she felt the sudden animosity become washed over with almost tangible sadness and guilt.

'So now people care!' He gasped between laughs, holding his sides in pain. _I was depressed_.

'I just- picked up - the wrong bottle!'_ I had no one_.

'Look at me! The world's b-biggest d-disappointment!' _I d__idn__'t want to be responsible__._

Suddenly, tears were flowing, digressing his wet smile into a pained mien of despair. _You didn't care about me_. His sobs were drowned out as Kari enveloped him in a protective hug, soaking up his tears. The others looked on in guilt as the boy they took for granted broke down, crying for his parents to stop fighting, for his friends to not ignore him, for his dismal life to finish. But his friends were here now, and his perfectibility proven misguided. _That's all I wanted_.


End file.
